I hope that all of you, like me, have been preparing all year for Christmas by gaining weight.  Putting on the pounds is not something you just do, there are preparations to be made.  A marathon runner doesn’t just get up one day and run 26.5 miles, they have to build up to it.  I have slowly and consistently been increasing fat and sugar intake for most of the year in readying for the food fest that is Christmas.  It took only a few months to put on twenty pounds but not everyone has the dedication and iron will that I have.

Some will ask the pertinent question, “How do you know if you are too fat?”  For those who worry about such things I have devised a system for determining the limits of belly girth.  A standard casket (that you bury people in) is about 28 inches in width and 23 inches in depth.  Now measure yourself from the back to the front; if it is less than 23 inches it’s time to hit the buffet.  Don’t forget that modern caskets are domed so that gives you about three extra inches of calories.  Using the above system I have determined that there is a good six inches before my belly button touches the ceiling of the death box.  Thus there is plenty of room for more inflation of the old “spare tire.”

Of course this is only in fun; weight gain causes a number of health problems and being too thin isn’t that great either.  The point is preparation.  How do we prepare for Christmas?  Is it the lights, the shopping, the baking or the wrapping?  Christmas, originally, was about God and His people— Joseph, Mary, a child, shepherds and a few eastern wise guys.  It is still about God and us.  Jesus comes to us as a baby and gives His life as a gift and gifts us with each other.  Perhaps the only preparation we need for Birth of Jesus is seeing Him in one another.

Would you like to hear my weight formula if you’re planning on cremation?

A Merry and Blessed Christmas!