Rambling on the Sherman County Olympics

For the denizens of Sherman County the Olympics are not an every four year occurrence but a thing to be enjoyed when and wherever celebrations are proclaimed. Thus a grueling round of “Beer Darts” was engaged upon this past Easter Sunday. What’s Beer Darts, an unknowing, unPolish outsider of the county may ask? To belabor the obvious, it is a competitive sport that requires 1) Polish people (or those who identify as Polish); 2) three regulation darts, the type used in pubs throughout the civilized world; 3) cans of beer (open); and 4) old beer (unopened and shaken).

Before explaining the rules of this unique physical activity, it becomes necessary to address the issue of the existence of old beer in Sherman County. Like unicorns, dragons, yetis and saintly priests, old beer is thought to be a myth in the county. However there are historic instances of the overaged beverage being found in abandoned cellars, attics in convents, buried near a teenage party spot and in Vietnam era Soldier rations. These being a rarity, a “least liked beer” may be substituted for “old beer.” If the existence of “least liked beer” is also a county aberration, the “least expensive, most on-sale malted beverage may also be used.

To begin, eight or more players sit in lawn chairs in a grassy area and form a circle. The size of the circle is dictated by the number of participants. Each person places an old beer (see previous scholarly discussion) approximately one foot in front of them, after having shaken vigorously the fizzy contents. One player in the group will have three darts; they must also be holding an open, fresh beer to counter the effects of lunar gravity. This person chooses another player to attempt to pierce the old beer with one of the projectiles. The thrower cannot choose the player on either side of themselves. If the darter succeeds in puncturing that person’s old beer, that person must quickly imbibe the beverage shooting out of the pierced can. If the thrower punctures the fresh beer in the targets hand, all hell breaks loose. If the first heaver of the missile misses all three times, the one in charge of the target beer is up to lob the dart at someone else in the circle, and so on.

WARNING: This game is for Sherman County Olympians only! Persons without a current tetanus vaccination or taking blood thinners are also disallowed. For permission to join a league, please contact either B. “Stigmata” Tuma or S. “One-Eye” Goc.

It takes all kinds of people to make the church work, even beer dart aficionados. There is a problem of a caste system forming in the church; this is not historically new, nobles became bishops, abbots and abbesses. The “lower caste” of church members were not generally chosen for such offices. The terminology used is that of “separate,” whether by nature, law or liturgy. This is flawed theology. St. Paul in his First Letter to the Corinthians chapter 12 reminds us that gifts come from the Holy Spirit and are characterized by unity and diversity. There is no separateness, except for those who will to separate themselves from Christ.

Time to get in shape for the next Sherman County Olympic event–The 200 meter Freestyle Hog Drill.

4 thoughts on “Rambling on the Sherman County Olympics

  1. I think we have similar games in O’Neill, Nebraska. As I recall, air-powered pellet guns were involved but I think skunked beer was also part of the games. As ever, your ramblings are a great read. Your parishioners are indeed lucky to have such a shepherd.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Interesting as always. Can it be assumed that proper testing of the beer used for the games is conducted to determine if it is appropriate for the games?

    Liked by 1 person

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