The late 60s and 70s into the 80 and 90s saw much experimentation in the Church after Vatican II. The wildest times were in the 70s when most of Catholic liturgy was ad experimentum. This is a Latin phrase that most interpreted to mean “do whatever you want.” Presbyteral Councils were being formed; these were groups of priests meant to advise the bishop. In those early days of post Vatican II heady speculation for the future of the Church, presbyteral council minutes of meetings were required reading for the priest in the parish. Our cracked historical staff was able to obtain a copy of the priest’s council minutes for the Diocese of New Age, California (since suppressed by the Holy See).

PRESBYTERAL COUNCIL MINUTES, DIOCESE OF NEW AGE, January 7, 1973

PRESENT: Bill, Jim-Jim, Bobby O, Chuck, Rick, Star gazer, Monsignor Relevant, Sr. Patty and Sr. Machinations.

Sr. Patty called the priests to order at 10 a.m. in the Garden of Meditation of St. Serene Parish.

Morning Prayer was lead by Jim-Jim with the reading of two chapters of Kahlil Gibran. After ten minutes of meditation of the sacred stone of the Incas the meeting began.

APPROVAL OF MINUTES OF LAST MEETING: After a lively discussion it was determined that calling the priests “Father” was misogynistic and must be deleted from the minutes. The minutes were then consensitized.

OLD BUSINESS:

1. Allowing the Bishop to attend the meeting. This was again tabled when no consensus could be reached.
2. The diocesan vote tally for the next bishop was overwhelmingly in favor of Gertrude Mystrowski, the current bishop’s secretary.
3. The allowing priests to date policy has been delayed pending the Vatican’s anticipated move to eliminate clerical celibacy.

NEW BUSINESS:

1. Chuck made a proposal that all rectories be called homes and moved as far from the church building as possible. Seconded by Rick and consensed by all.
2. Sr. Mach asked that all parish staff be equal to the Pastor and ranked ahead of any associate priest. Star gazer, an associate priest, seconded and all agreed with the vibe.
3. A heated discussion began on whether the baptismal water should be heated or why use water at all? A reconciliation service was held after thirty minutes of controversy; Sr. Patty gave the absolution.

COMMITTEE REPORTS:

Committee for Destroying Altars and Raising Banners reported some success in the demolition of the high altar at the Cathedral. The Sisters for a New Church (SNC) hadn’t used enough explosives and only the epistle side was demolished. They promised to succeed this month and blast the altar so deep it would make a fine walk-in baptismal font or hot tub, depending on parish votes.

The Committee for the Consensus of Committees and Charitable Works voted against poverty again this month. They are hopeful their continued banning of poverty will have an effect on the world. They approved the motto “A Vote against Poverty is Worth more than a Thousand Deeds.”

The Committee of Liturgy is sponsoring a six week liturgical dance class. This classes will include: putting on a too small body stocking, twirling with incense, not tripping and reacting to dumb founded stares. Due to the felt and potato sack shortage, the “Making of Liturgical Vestments” class has been postponed. This committee has put out a manual for liturgical music entitled, “You too can play the Guitar in two days.” The committee also encourages parishes to stick with the old masters of liturgical music as, John Denver, James Taylor, Arlo Guthrie and Steppenwolf.

The Forum on Inclusiveness has decided to cancel the projected All Nude Liturgy, reasoning that due to original sin, not all people are created equal. They have proposed to take up a collection at all parishes of the diocese for gender studies, with the caveat that they will not accept any currency with a male on it.

CONCLUSION:

Sr. Mach led the closing prayer where each member made a Play-Doh figurine of their favorite Beatle, and offered it up to the Earth Mother.

Meeting ended at noon with a delicious vegan meal of marijuana and mushrooms.

Submitted by: Monsignor Relevant, secretary