Rambling on the Nefarious and Nuptials

The celebratory but angry crowd circled around the felonious fellow whom had ransacked various vehicles in search of ill gotten booty (The traditional sense of the word booty, as opposed to the “shake your booty” booty.) While waiting for the authorities to arrive and take charge of the villain the incensed bunch of attendants regaled the perpetrator with humorous observations about the pros and cons of lethal injection as opposed to the electric chair. The sheriffs from three counties arrived with the State Patrol but were temporarily confounded as to whom to take into custody, the accused or the crowd. Let’s start at the beginning.

Not long ago the psychic village of Ashton was preparing to celebrate a wedding. Such events in this little hamlet are scored by: number of people in attendance, amount of festive beverage to be consumed, how long the reception lasts and how many boozed and bombed bodies are found the next day. The day before the wedding is, of course, the rehearsal. These can be a party in themselves depending on the devotion and debauchery of family and friends. This rehearsal, wedding and wedding reception this time were the occasions of crime and mayhem, in other words, great entertainment for a small town.

During the rehearsal, person or persons unknown, purloined from various vehicles a cell phone, purses and a handgun. In Sherman County it is established practice to forego the locking of car and truck doors in case a neighbor, relative or friend needs the temporary use of said vehicle. Since crimes of this nature are rare in this county (as opposed to speeding, disturbing the peace and molestation of sheep) the attendees were outraged and up in arms (literally) seeking the foul miscreant. The lowlife lawbreaker made the grievous error of returning the following day to once again seek ill-gotten gain during the nuptial festivities. The matrimonial participants were ready this time and spotted the thief going his rounds.

At once the call to arms went to the dance floor of the reception hall and proud Polish men of every age exited the building to chase the malefactor. The only problem with this was that Polish wives, mothers and grandmothers have more sense than their men; there was vociferous objections to tipsy males pursuing a possibly armed outlaw. The ladies had overlooked the first tradition of Sherman County, beer equals bravery. The hunt was on and the hound dogs would not be dissuaded.

Long story short, the villain was surrounded by the bridal attendants and given up to the local constabulary. The law arrived just in time to avoid the torture planned for the felon, including the Chicken Dance, the Macarena and, most sinister of all, a line dance to Achy Breaky Heart.

Memories are made not in perfection or the smooth operation of a planned event; we recall instead the unusual, the accidents, the things that went wrong, etc. This couple’s day will have happy memories of shared joy but also the intriguing recapture of crime in progress and a posse of Polish people pursuing the perpetrator. When we think of Jesus and the Resurrection we often focus on what we would consider “not planned,” the suffering and crucifixion. But this was the plan of the Father; that His Only Son should give His life to save ours, and in that death, to know death to sin.

Everyone here is starting to get excited again; there’s a wedding next weekend!

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