The purchase of an allegedly haunted convent is not something a priest looking to retire in ten or so years in that space of spiritual spookiness should take lightly.  Looking back, no one mentioned that the place was full of Polish poltergeists until after I agreed to buy it.  Perhaps that was why the price of so low.  If they had known me better they could have doubled the price and I would have ponied up; after all, a Polish priest retired to a former Polish convent filled with Polish nun’s phantoms?  What’s not to like?

The common question asked by the local residents is, “Are you going to perform an exorcism before you move in?”  Well, no.  The best information is that the good Sisters and their shades are not registered agents of Satan.  Now before you start holding up your arthritic hand that was whacked with a ruler 50 years ago, or baring the sensitive soul scars seared there by the splenetic stare of a storming Sister, realize that these good religious were the Brides of Christ, not the Brides of Frankenstein.  Even Jesus used a whip to motivate the merchants to exit the temple area.  Can a religious attempting to teach the minds of children bent on mischief do any less?

Of course when I do move in any specters wearing a full habit can stay, the rest have to go; I’m a little old fashioned that way.  The current plan is to purchase the building, spend the next ten years or so fixing it up, ask the Bishop if I can retire at age 75, then die the night before moving in.  It is a solid plan that accounts for a number of variables.  Yes, your next question is obvious, “How are you going to accommodate the ethereal beings staying with you?”  Well, I’m not; they can have a space in the garage when it’s built (does something incorporeal need space?).  The only packing I’ll need then is to bring He whom every Christian carries, the Holy Spirit.

The Spirit is not some imagined poltergeist but a gift of the Father and the Son; He comes not to scare but to enliven the souls of believers.  The fruits of the Spirit are manifold and leave no room for worrying about wraiths.